Good news: they think I am an excellent candidate, all my ducks are
in a row, and within two weeks I should be able to file for insurance approval. I have three appointments next week and one the following, as well as some lab work and an ekg and I'm done! I had previously decided I wanted the gastric sleeve as opposed to gastric bypass for a variety of reasons. My number ONE reason is less chance of reactive hypoglycemia, which I truly believe is what killed my mother. However, the PA thinks I SHOULD go with the bypass due to diabetes and large amount of weight needed to be lost. However, my diabetes is VERY controlled right now, my numbers are actually in a normal range. :D So I am undecided but still leaning toward the sleeve. I can change my mind up to the day of surgery.
Now, what did this otherwise awesome PA do that absolutely mortified me? He told J THE number. The number no woman likes to discuss. The number many women lie about, the number that I have been so ashamed to tell, the number I never thought I could possibly be up to. THE NUMBER 312. Yep. He told. After I specifically said that my husband does not know the number nor does he need to. It was an "accident" but he was not even slightly apologetic. Now, my hubs doesn't care about the number. He loves me. All 312lbs of me. :D BUT I CARE. It just wasn't cool. I wanted to just vanish I was so humiliated.
But in a way, that humiliation was freeing. Now that Jason, the person I want approval from the most, knows this number and doesn't care, it is like I don't have to hide it anymore. I can tell anyone. Everyone. He doesn't define me by that number, and neither should I, and neither should anyone else. So yeah, I'm obese. And yeah, I weigh over 300lbs, and I'm going to hold my head up anyway. And I will look anyone straight in the eye and say it, without shame or fear of judgment. It is what it is.
Oh, and here's texts between J and I just a couple weeks prior in regards to telling him about my weight. He's really awesome.
And yes, I call my husband J-Dawg.
Now, what did this otherwise awesome PA do that absolutely mortified me? He told J THE number. The number no woman likes to discuss. The number many women lie about, the number that I have been so ashamed to tell, the number I never thought I could possibly be up to. THE NUMBER 312. Yep. He told. After I specifically said that my husband does not know the number nor does he need to. It was an "accident" but he was not even slightly apologetic. Now, my hubs doesn't care about the number. He loves me. All 312lbs of me. :D BUT I CARE. It just wasn't cool. I wanted to just vanish I was so humiliated.
But in a way, that humiliation was freeing. Now that Jason, the person I want approval from the most, knows this number and doesn't care, it is like I don't have to hide it anymore. I can tell anyone. Everyone. He doesn't define me by that number, and neither should I, and neither should anyone else. So yeah, I'm obese. And yeah, I weigh over 300lbs, and I'm going to hold my head up anyway. And I will look anyone straight in the eye and say it, without shame or fear of judgment. It is what it is.
Oh, and here's texts between J and I just a couple weeks prior in regards to telling him about my weight. He's really awesome.
And yes, I call my husband J-Dawg.
Girl! I'm proud of you! Both for going to the consult and being such a rockstar and embracing YOU...all of you...including your dreaded number.
ReplyDeleteJdawg sounds like a stud. You are a lucky lady! I'm excited for your next steps!!!
Thank you! He is awesome! I am so excited too, and readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
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