10 pounds a year, and I am now obese. 10 pounds a year, and unloading the dishwasher hurts. 10 pounds a year and I huff and puff. 10 pounds a year, and trampolines and bicycles and go-karts and horseback riding and all the other cool five year old things are off limits to me. 10 pounds a year to high blood pressure and diabetes. 10 pounds a year and I no longer recognize myself.
I did this to myself. 10 pounds at a time. Year after year.
I vow, weight loss surgery or not, there will not be another 10 pounds. The self abuse must stop.
So anyway. No weight loss resolutions. No diet. No crazy plans this 2014 to get it right. I see that hasn't worked any other year. In fact, it has done the opposite. This year, I just want to work on being happy. I want to work on forgiving myself for past mistakes, screw-ups, whatever you want to call those 10 pounds increments. I want to continue to heal and learn to make my way in the world motherless. I want to continue reaching out to others with kindness and an open heart, as so many have done to me this past year. I want to continue to strengthen my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
And good golly, I want to get approved for my WLS! :taps foot:
Goodnight 2013. You really weren't so great, so I am going to skip midnight and call it a year now.
I realize this blog is all over the place. One post about WLS one about my mom, one about service work. Back and forth. I am going to try and start focusing more on WLS and obesity angle, but must admit, that my depression and grief and changing mindset are such a huge part of my life right now, I cannot separate them. But I also realize reading my constant sobs is probably not entertaining or motivating for anyone. Eh, tough.
