This IS IT

This is it. This is it.
This is life the one you get.
So go on and have a ball.

Some old 80's show theme song. We watched it. WE loved it. It rang true. You only get one life. It's happening right now. While I am trying to figure out what to do with my life, my life is happening. This is, in fact, IT.


My daughter gets one Christmas as a 5 year old, and THIS IS IT.
And I get one first Christmas without my mom. THIS IS IT.

I will turn 39 this month. My mom will not sing happy birthday to me over the phone or in person. This is it.
But my daughter will make me a card, and wants to make me a strawberry tart, and will sing to me, and love me something fierce. My husband will hold me as I cry from my grief broken heart.

It is hard to reconcile that This is IT, when it is so much pain, so much sadness, so many tears and screams and madwoman cursings. BUT it is also love and cuddles, smiles and presents, the gift of motherhood, a husband who is strong and steady by my side. Friends who give me grace during this hard time in my life. This is it. Helping and serving others, making a difference, learning to pray all over again.

All of it, is it. And so half the time I don't know if I am feeling happy, sad or a whole other range of emotions between the two. This is my life now. I don't get another one and I can't get the old one back. I don't like this one as much as I liked the old one, but I love too much of this one to just chuck it.

So that means, time to accept it. This is it. this is the life I get. And I need to go on and have a ball.

Okay, so now how to do that. That will be a whole new post. But it must start by service. If my life has fallen apart, and I can't get it back, then I get to put it back together the way I want to. Service will be the glue of piecing my life back together.


I will be living it up at Waterfront Rescue Mission Christmas morning so we can deliver meals to homebound folks and then join in on the meal at the center so we can fellowship and encourage others in need. So This Christmas looks nothing like Christmas of my past, but it certainly looks like a worthy Christmas for the future. So maybe, This is it. This call for service into the future. My life.