I have known since my mother died that I would give her blankets (she has LOTS!) and jackets to the homeless when winter came. It just snuck up on me. I wasn't ready to go to her house, and take out her things, and those things to be gone from my eyes, my touch, forever.
But, I had to. How can I let old coats and blankets sit unused, when there is a real and desperate need for them? How selfish. To keep a coat just to look at, when it could hold and warm another. I was going to go with just Mimi, but at the last second reached out to a friend, and she joined me.
The hardest part of going to my mother's house, is that I have to enter through the back door. The back door. We have no key for the front. The day that I found her, I banged on the front door, the windows, screaming and yelling. The dog was barking like mad. I ran around to the back, tripped, fell, jumped back up and kept running. The back door was open. I ran through it, to find. . . to find. :( So for me now, I cannot walk around to her back yard. The idea of it terrifies me, makes me sick. I will never walk around the side of that house again. I'm so thankful to my friend, not just for her emotional support, but because she did that walk for me.
I arrived at the event, and was immediately passing out blankets and those hand warmer packs that last for like 18 hours. Even Mimi was passing them out. There was one woman who started taking things from me very quickly and packing them into her van. One of the items I had debated bringing, was my mother's favorite coat. I had it dry cleaned just prior to her death. She never wore it. I knew, this lady, she wanted my mother's coat, but I held tight to it. She left. I later found out that she is homeless, but she has a car, so gets to events like this quickly and grabs as much as she can. She then resells it to the homeless who can't get to these events in time because they don't have a car or bike. She had also gotten 6 of the knit caps someone was giving out. But that's okay, well, it's not. But my job is to give. Her job is to survive. I pick my job over hers.
After I had given all but one blanket out (it was in the front seat, I had forgotten about it) and my mother's coat, I got to chatting with other givers and homeless men. Several of the homeless men work to help all. They try and help keep things "fair" and are leaders and able to help get resources to others. I met one man, Dxxx. He is a big person in the homeless community. I explained to him my past efforts to be involved, the different organizations I've reached out to without success, my inability to find a way to make a REAL difference. He gave me his card, and told me when I was ready to call him. He will help me understand what is already out there, what is lacking, help me determine what my vision is for my role in the homeless community and how to implement that. Truly a gift this man is. I asked him, how he takes care of himself, and he said, he doesn't, God does. He said, why seek worldly treasures and forsake your soul. He was a MODERN DAY Christ, in that he lived to serve others and walked among the poor. So excited about what he can help me accomplish.
I left, glad of this meeting, and that I was able to help, but sad that my mother's coat still sat in the back of my van. On the way home, I saw a woman standing on the side of the road wearing nothing but cutoff jean shorts and a long sleeve tee. I imagine, based on how she was standing and where we were, but of course do not know, she was a prostitute. But she was a cold one. I pulled up and asked her if she would like a coat and a blanket (I had one left). She said she'd take anything. She was tiny, my mother's coat swallowed her. I asked her what else I could do for her, she said nothing, thanked me and walked away. . . I am thankful that my mom's coat was big enough to warm her whole body, and hope that she can feel loved when cloaked in it. I am an emotional mess. I am so sad my mom is gone, but I think through her death, I truly have found my calling and my need to serve. So in her death, I have found a new life for myself.
And yes, my five year old went with me. What point is there in learning this new life, if the lessons are not passed down?
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