Three Months Ago

Three months ago, I found my mother dead. I'm really hurting. This blog is not all weight loss, so if you don't want to hear about other stuff, this is not the place for you.

I have flashbacks every day of the moment my hand reached out to touch her bare back, only to find it cold, and her dead. I screamed and thrashed on the floor until neighbors came to help. I always knew this would happen "one day" but I was so ill prepared. I loved my mother. I know, we ALL love our mother's, but I REALLLLLLLLLY loved mine. She was such a huge part of our lives and I don't know how to function without her.

I have a million things I want to tell her. So much has happened in three months.

Mom,
Mia puts her head under water now. She likes My Little Pony instead of puppies now. Can you believe it? After all these years, no to dogs, and yes to ponies? The gardenias bloomed this year, first time ever. I know you would have loved them. The mosquitos are bad this year, you guys would not have been able to play on the swing set. Oh, and Mia hasn't used the swing set since you died. Jason took her to the park, and she didn't want to stay, She said swings weren't fun without her Gaegae. Oh, and you know how you think your dog was so sweet? Well, she's a stinker. She sits in front of the doggie door and won't let Dolly in sometimes. Dolly barks and barks, and Chloe just sits there watching. I sleep with a pillow from your bed every night. I dream of you all the time. I am sorry for the times I was a shit. I know there were a ton of them. I love the searger you got me! I can't believe you did that. I wish I could have thanked you. You were right, trimming the front tree did make it grow better. We never got to tell you, because you died the next day, we were going to surprise you with a Disney trip so you could see Mimi ride all the rides. I hate you never knew. Mia has Vacation Bible School next week, and I get to be an assistant teacher. The church has really tried to take care of me since you died. I shut down my sewing shop, but still have Tipsy Toast open. Daddy came to your service and said such beautiful things about you. He also said streetwalker in church. I wish I could have saved you. I know if I had checked on you the day before this would not have happened. I miss you. I hate not having you. I love you. You were awesome. Oh, and I wish we could make some tortillas from a mix, you know, homemade style.

I love you.

P.S. What do you think of this gastric sleeve stuff? Wish you could tell me your thoughts. You, while I never professed it before, we a smart lady, and I always valued your advice. Whatchya think?